Love is my Curse
by twilightfreak9075
Summary: Song Fic: Edward comes back and Bella tells him just how much she's missed him. But when things don't change, Bella is forced to make one of the hardest decisions of her life. When Edward doesn't take the news very well, what will Bella do? Used to be a one-shot.
1. Back from Italy

Edward just left to go hunting. It's only been a week since I rescued him from Italy, so the hole in me still opens up when he's gone. But what I didn't tell him or Alice or anybody, is that I finally find a way to cope. It doesn't make the hole go away completely, but it helps me find a way to get past the pain. I picked up the guitar that I had stashed away under my bed, and tuned it. When it was perfect, I started to sing.

**When you're gone it feels like,**

**My whole world's gone with you**

**I thought love would be my cure**

**But now it's my disease**

**I try to act mature**

**But I'm a baby when you leave**

**How can I ever get used to being without you?**

That's the thing. No matter how Edward says I can move on from him, I know that I never can. I barely even survived him being gone these last few months. How would I survive forever?

**(Yeah)**

**Baby, baby, baby, baby**

**Am I addicted?**

**When I need you here all the time?**

**And I'm not sure if this is healthy**

**Is it a sickness?**

**Because I feel like I'm losing my mind**

**And I know that there's no medicine**

**Nothing I can take, no remedy**

**Baby please stay**

It seems like no matter how many times I tell Edward I want him to stay, he never does. Am I speaking a different language than him?

**(Oh oh oh)**

**When you're gone it feels like,**

**My whole world's gone with you**

**I thought love would be my cure**

**But now it's my disease (my disease)**

**I try to act mature**

**But I'm a baby when you leave**

**How can I ever get used to being without you?**

**Oh oh oh baby, baby, baby**

**I get a fever**

**Just the thought of you leaving my side**

**Oh oh**

**And I'm not the same 'til you're back holding me**

**That's all I need**

It's true. I was not the same until Edward came back. Once he held me in his arms, I was whole again.

**(Oh yeah)**

**When you're gone it feels like (when you're gone baby)**

**My whole worlds gone with you (gone with you)**

**I thought love would be my cure**

**But now it's my disease (my disease)**

**I try to act mature**

**But I'm a baby when you leave**

**How can I ever get used to being without you**

**Whoa whoa**

**Here's what I'm going through when you're gone**

**Some serious symptoms of withdrawal**

**(oh oh oh)**

**Tossing and turning in my bed**

**Waking up drenched in a cold sweat**

**(Oh oh oh)**

**Lying here longing for you**

**What am I supposed to do?**

**When I'm stuck and I can't get enough of your love**

Describes my life without him perfectly, doesn't it?

**Oh oh oh whoa Baby**

**When you're gone it feels like (when you're gone baby)**

**My whole world's gone with you (gone with you)**

**I thought love would be my cure**

**But now it's my disease (my disease)**

**I try to act mature**

**But I'm a baby when you leave**

**How can I ever get used to being without you?**

By the time I finished the song, I had tears streaming down my face. So many, in fact, that I didn't even notice someone in the room with me until two cold arms wrapped themselves around me. I jumped, heart racing. I rubbed my eyes and found Edwards eyes inches from mine. They were filled with torture, and guilt.

"That song…it was about me, wasn't it? About your life when I was gone?" he said, his eyes going to the floor.

"Yes." I said. I got up and put my guitar back under my bed. I wasn't going to say anything else till he said something. Then the situation came back to me, and I felt my checks turn bright red. He just heard me sing! He's the first one ever to hear me play, and he has to hear a sad song that I wrote about him. This is mortifying. I felt a finger under my chin lift my head up, and Edward looked at me and said, "Why are you embarrassed?"

I refused to answer, so he dazzled it out of me. Once he heard the answer, he shook his head, smiling slightly.

"Love, you played the song perfectly, and sounded good too. I could feel all the emotion you put in that song. I just never want you to feel that way again." He said, whispering the last part.

"Then never leave me again." I said, hugging him and leading him back down to the bed.

"Never again." He swore, and gave me a kiss. Then he tucked me under the blankets. "Sleep now, my Bella." He said softly, kissing my forehead.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face. Little did I know, things were going to change very soon.

**What do you think? Good, bad, horrible, excellent?**

**Review please!**

**~Twilightfreak9075**

**Song: Love is my Disease by Alicia Keys**


	2. Who knew?

**Hey guise, I'm back :) I suggest you listen to the song while reading this, I love it so much and when I heard it, it was like BAM! Inspiration for a song fic. I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

**Song: First Love by Adele**

_**Bella POV**_

It's now been a month since Edward came home with me from Italy, and I would like to say that things have changes, but then I would be lying. Edward is just as over-freaking-protective as ever, and it's starting to get on my nerves. I though he would've realized by now that I am not a fragile, nor do I need to get put up on a pedestal. I need to be my own person, and he just doesn't realize it. I've put up with it, hoping he would eventually let up on his protectiveness but it's only gotten worse. He doesn't even properly kiss me anymore; he just kisses me on the cheek. He doesn't let me hang out with anybody but him now, not even his family! I have to ask before I can talk to Alice, and even then he has to be there to supervise.

You know what makes it even worse? I can't even talk to my own FATHER without him throwing a hissy fit about what he needs. I haven't had a telephone conversation with Renee in a year because Edward thinks that she's a bad influence with her flighty behavior. My MOTHER. That hurt me so much, and that's when I discovered that he's never going to change. Edward always has to be in control, and I've already changed myself so much for him. I can't handle anything else from him for fear of losing myself. So I've decided to tell him with a song I wrote a while ago.

What Edward doesn't know is that while he was away doing who knows what, along with my risky behavior, I was taking piano lessons. Not that that's not risky with me, because there was a high chance of me destroying someone's eardrums when I first started off. Eventually I got better, and while I cannot rival his perfection with the instrument, I am pretty good for not having over 100 years of experience. I wrote the lyrics to go along with a tune that I had made up when I first started to play, and so today he is going to learn what I was really doing while he was gone. I'm going up to the house to be with him and the family, and I think it would be better in front of all of them in case he freaks out.

When I had everything ready, I walked outside and got in my truck to head over there. I made it there in record time, considering my truck isn't the fastest vehicle in the world. I was getting out the car, my nerves making butterflies in my stomach, when I was swept up in a pair of cold arms. I looked up and saw Edward smiling his dazzling smile down at me, his golden eyes showing his happiness. Those eyes, the eyes that used to make me melt, now have no effect on me anymore. Not that I don't still love Edward, but since Italy it just hasn't been the same. I smiled back, despite my less-than-happy thoughts.

He didn't say anything, just led me into the house, his hand on my lower back. We went into the living room where everyone was, and I got the typical reactions from everyone except two. Cue big smile from Emmett. Usual glare from Rosalie. Loving smiles from Carlisle and Esme. But it was Jasper and Alice who gave a different reaction than usual.

Alice looked at me with sadness in her eyes, but also understanding. I knew then she knew what I was going to do. What else could I expect with Alice? Jasper looked at me with confusion, no doubt feeling my emotions and how nervous I was.

I turned to Edward and said the five words that would cause a downward spiral of events to occur.

"Take me to your piano."

Before I could get the last word out I found myself seated on the bench next to him. He had his hands on the keys, ready to play my lullaby. I stopped his with a gentle touch on his hands, making him turn to me with confusion in his eyes. I looked at him, the sadness clear in my eyes, and said, "Don't speak. Just listen." I don't bother to raise my voice when addressing the people in the other room, knowing they're all listening. "That goes for all of you. You all need to hear this."

Moving over until I'm in the middle of the piano, I take a deep breath to calm myself, and begin to play. My voice rings out clear and strong.

**So little to say but so much time**

**Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind**

**Please wear the face, the one where you smile**

**Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry**

I look at Edward then, and he's smiling, no beaming, at me. _That smiles going to be wiped off his face in a second_, I though, tearing up.

**Forgive me first love, but I'm tired**

**I need to get away, to feel again**

**Try to understand why**

**Don't get so close to change my mind**

By this time everyone is by the piano, and shock is the clear emotion in the room. I sneak a peek at Edward through the corner of my eye, and as I predicted the smile is gone. His eyes, they look crushed, like someone took the life out of them.

**Please wipe that look out of your eyes**

**It's bribing me to doubt myself**

**Simply, it's tiring**

The look in his eyes, it's making me want to stay with him. To hold him and never let him go, to say this is all just a joke. But I know this is the right thing, and I hope that he doesn't get too hurt.

**This love has dried up and stayed behind**

**And if I stay I'll be a lie**

**Then choke on words I'd always hide**

**Excuse me first love, but we're through**

**I need to taste a kiss from someone new**

The love was fading even before he left for Italy, and it's only gotten worse now. I have to end it, before we're both in any deeper. I don't want to lie to anybody about how I feel anymore.

**Forgive me first love, but I'm too tired**

**I'm bored to say the least and I, I lack desire**

There is no passion in our relationship; we might as well call it platonic love. Now we're both in it simply for the companionship. He never kisses me, and I'm sick of begging. There is no passion, no love, and no desire.

**Forgive me first love**

I turn to look at Edward, still playing.

**Forgive me first love**

I stare into his eyes, the eyes I have loved for so long.

**Forgive me first love**

There is no soul there. He is empty.

**Forgive me first love**

I've completely broken him. I'm begging for his forgiveness now.

**Forgive me**

My voice cracks on the last word.

**Forgive me first love**

The tears I've been holding back for so long pour down my face.

**Forgive me first love**

My voice fades off as I stare into his eyes. Eventually I cannot handle it anymore and I look down at my hands. My hair falls to cover my face as I struggle to speak through my tears.

"Edward….I am so sorry. I have tried to stay in this relationship for as long as I could. When we got back from Italy, I was ecstatic to say the least. I was so happy you were staying, that all of you were staying. But as the weeks went on, the happiness wore off. I kept waiting for something to happen, something _different_," I emphasized the last word, "but everything was the same. You were as cautious as ever, never actually kissing me, I always had to beg you to even kiss me on the cheek! You were as protective as ever, if not more. You know I haven't had an actual conversation with my dad since you came back? That he and my mom think I HATE them because you haven't allowed me to even speak to them? I'm sorry Edward, but if that's your definition of a healthy relationship, then I want no part of it."

I looked up then suddenly, staring him in his dead eyes. "I will always love you, and you will always be my first love, but I can't do this anymore."

Edward just stares at me with his lifeless eyes. As I watch him, still crying, his eyes heat up out of nowhere and the dead eyes I was looking at become filled with anger. He grabs me and throws me against a wall, pinning me there.

I cry out, scared for my life. "Edward, you're hurting me!"

He growls, looking every bit like a vampire. A deranged vampire. "You. Are. MINE." He roars, the house shaking. "You are MY singer, I SAVED YOU FROM THOSE RAPIST IN PORT ANGELES."

By this time, fear for my life is all I feel.

Edward leans into my neck, right by my pulse and whispers against my skin, "And if I can't have you, no one will, my precious Isabella."

And with those words, Edward bit my neck.

**Wow, I might be going somewhere with this.**

**Please review and give me your feedback!**

**~Twilightfreak9075**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the plot belongs to me. **

**Song: First Love by Adele**


	3. The Pain

**Hey guys! :D wow, it's been a while huh? Sorry about the wait, no inspiration until today . but I hope you guys enjoy it, cause i've been working on it for a couple of hours till the weeeeee hours of the morning xD**

**Song: Monster by Paramore. Though it had nothing to really do with this chapter, I found it fitting since Edward always says that vampires are monsters. Had it on repeat for the whole process of writing this chapter x) Listen to it while you read, might help you understand why I chose it :)**

_**Bella POV**_

Heat. Pain. Torture.

**You were my conscience, **

**so solid, now you're like water  
And we started drowning, **

**not like we'd sink any further**

Growling. Cold hands. Pain.

**But I let my heart go, **

**it's somewhere down at the bottom  
But I'll get a new one **

**and come back for the hope that you've stolen**

Voices. Whispering. "Oh my God, Bella!"

**I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world  
From turning into a monster and eating us alive  
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?  
Well now that you're gone, the world is ours **

"I didn't see this, how come I didn't see this?"

**I'm only human, **

**I've got a skeleton in me  
But I'm not the villain, **

**despite what you're always preaching  
**

Pain. Agony. More Growling. "Give her the morphine _Carlisle!"_

_**Call me a traitor, **_

_**I'm just collecting your victims  
And they're getting stronger  
I hear them calling.**_

_Pain. Burning. Agony. Torture. "Why isn't she moving!"_

_**I'll stop the whole world, **_

_**I'll stop the whole world  
From turning into a monster, **_

_**and eating us alive**_

_Everlasting. Torture. Pain. "Bella, try to hold onto your human memories as much as you can."_

_**Don't you ever wonder **_

_**how we survive?  
Well now that you're gone,**_

_**the world is ours**__  
_

_I felt someone pulling away the pain, and I could think somewhat rationally again. Using most of the strength left in my body, I opened my eyes and all I could see was blood. On the walls. On the floor. On me._

_Alice was sitting in the corner with her head cradled in her hand, murmuring to herself, "Why didn't I see this? I should've saw this, why didn't I see this?"_

_Carlslie was holding Esme on the couch why she cried, with a disappointed look on his face. Esme was crying and occasionally saying, "Poor Bella. My daughter. My son. My family."_

_Emmett and Rosalie were outside with Edward I guess, considering the huge hole in the wall and the sounds of trees falling on the other side._

_Jasper was cradeling my head in his lap, with a pained look on his face while he was pulling my pain away from me._

_**Well you find your strength in solution  
But I liked the tension  
And not always knowing the answers**_

_I used the last of my strength to whisper. "Jasper." He looked down at me, the pain expression still there._

_**But you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it **_

_I kept whispering, my strength draining by the second. "Jasper. You can't take away my pain. Just let...it...go..."_

_**I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world  
From turning into a monster, and eating us alive  
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?  
Well now that you're gone, the world... **_

_He nodded, and right before the fire flooded back into me, he said, "Bella, remember your human memories. Don't let them slip away."_

_**I'll stop the whole world**_

_Pain. Fire. Burning. Agony._

_**I'll stop the whole world,**_

_Charlie. Renee. Phil. Jacob._

_**From turning into a monster,**_

_Angela. Jessica. Mike. Ben._

_**eating us alive**_

_Carlslie. Esme. Rosalie. Emmett._

_**Don't you ever wonder **_

_Alice.____**  
**_

_**how we survive?**_

_Jasper. Edward. Jasper. Edward._

_**Now that you're gone,**_

_Jasper. Heat. Pain. Chest. Agony._

_**the world**_

_Edward. Torture. Chest. Pain explodes._

_Silence._

_**is ours.**_

_I opened my eyes._

_**What will happen next? I Don't even know lol i'm writing by whatever pops into my head while I write but I have some idea of what to do x)**_

_**Can anyone guess the pairing? Hahaha**_

_**Please read, rate, review, and tell your friends!**_

_**~Twilightfreak9075**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the plot belongs to me.**___

_**Song: Monster by Paramore**_


	4. Awake

**HEY GUYS.**

**So guess what? I'M NOT DEAD XD I just had a lot of stuff going on and couldn't find the time to write, so for that I give you my sincerest apologies.**

**Anyways, I hope you like the new chapter! The song starts a bit into the story!**

**Song: Hometown Glory by Adele (I felt it was right, since she lost her humanity in her hometown, LOL)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or any of the characters. If I did, Bella would stand up for herself a LOT more! I also do not own the song used, that honor belongs to Adele!**

Bella POV

Silence.

Nothing was moving at all.

Silence.

I opened my eyes. Dust particles swam in front of me, filling up the air.

Silence.

The light reflected off the window, making pretty rainbows in the air that I noticed with my new eyes.

Silence...

Then somebody shifted.

I acted instinctively. My body flipped into the air and before I knew it I was in the corner, hissing at whoever was in the room with me.

Wait, hissing?

Then the thoughts came flooding back.

_Edward. Blood. Break-up. Bite. Pain. Jasper._

_Well, it's safe to say he didn't take that break-up well_, I mused to myself, chuckling at my internal thoughts.

Not even a second had gone by throughout this whole thought process, and I realized I was still crouched in my corner hissing at everyone.

Ignoring my instincts, I straightened up and stopped hissing. This made everyone in the room visibly relax. Jasper started to walk towards me, hesitantly, and stopped a couple of feet from where I was.

"Bella, do you remember who I am?" He asked cautiously.

"Yup! You're Jasper!" I replied cheerfully. Though cheer was one thing that I was not feeling at the moment. In fact, I'm pretty sure my main emotion while he was speaking wasn't cheer: it was lust.

If I thought jasper was handsome while I was a human, I would definitely say that he is sexy as hell now! I mean, I know he belongs to Alice.

But, c'mon.

Just DAMN.

"...Bella? Are you listening to me?" Jasper asked, raising an eyebrow at my obviously distracted look.

"Of course I am, Jasper!" and I was. While those thoughts were my main focus, I was listening to Jasper in the back of my head, categorizing what he said.

Being a vampire is freaking awesome!

"Then what did I just say?" Jasper asked with a smirk, expecting me to say that I had no idea. Boy, was he about to be proven wrong.

"You told me that it was good that I remembered you, and that I would have to go hunting soon." I said smugly, not even trying to hide my smile.

Jasper was shocked, and I was reveling in the feeling of finally being able to out think one of them. He opened his mouth to say something, and then it happened.

Edward barged into the room.

His eyes were a bright red.

And he was holding my fathers bloodless corpse in his hands.

Throwing him at my feet, Edward grinned. This was the grin of someone who lost all tracks of sanity. Of humanity.

"Since I couldn't have you...I settled for the next best thing."

And I snapped.

Something appeared around me, throwing Edward out of the house and pushing everyone else into the walls.

"What the..." I heard Emmett say. But I paid no attention. As I looked at the lifeless body of my father, all I wanted to do was disappear. To get away.

"Wait...where did she go?" Alice asked, panicking. "She just vanished! And her future is black!"

Using this to my advantage, I sped out of the house through the front door, passing Edward who was stuck in a tree.

**I've been walking in the same way as I did  
Missing out the cracks in the pavement  
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet **

I walked all throughout Forks, looking at the surroundings. Remembering the memories I had here.

Remembering my Father.

**"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?"****  
****"No and t****hank ****you, please Madam. I ain't lost, just wandering."**_  
_

I walked passed the school, remembering the first day of school. How I was everyone's new shiny toy from Arizona.

**Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met **

I remembered my first friends here at the school.

**Are the wonders of my world **

I remembered Mike, and his annoying habit of asking me out every 5 minutes.

**Are the wonders of my world **

I remembered Jessica's loud voice and her gossip tendencies.

**Are the wonders of this world **

I remembered Angela and her kind heart and her shy personality.

**Are the wonders of my world **

I passed the school and walked past a truck that looked like the one I had before...this.

**I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque **

I passed the grocery store and saw Lauren leaving, wearing clothes completely inappropriate for the cloudy weather. I laughed to myself, some things will never change.

**I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades **

I walked on and stood in front of my old house, reminded of when Edward saved me from the rapist in Port Angeles.

**I like it in the city when two worlds collide  
You get the people and the government  
Everybody taking different sides **

It's funny how now he's the one hurting me, not saving me.

**Shows that we ain't gonna stand it  
Shows that we are united  
Shows that we ain't gonna take it  
Shows that we ain't gonna stand it  
Shows that we are united **

I used the spare key and ran up the stairs, into my fathers room. And I lost it.

I fell to my knees, and let all the pain that I felt out in the form of dry sobs. They wracked my body and took the breath out of me with their intensity.

**Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met **

**Are the wonders of my world**

I cried for my father

**Are the wonders of my world**

I cried for my mother

**Are the wonders of this world**

I cried for the humanity that I lost.

**Are the wonders of my world**

I cried for lost love. 

**Of my world  
Yeah  
Of my world  
**

Hours later after finally crying myself out, I stood up and realized that it's time to face the music. So with one last look into my fathers room, I whispered, "I'm so sorry daddy." and chocking on my sobs again, I jumped out to window and ran back to the Cullen's house. To get some answers as of to how they could let this happen.

**Of my world, yeah**

**So...yeah...I have no idea where this chapter came from, but it came out pretty good!**

**Read, Review, and share!**

**~Mariko**

**Song: Hometown Glory by Adele**


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